I recall a particular incident which happened at the company I interned for. It was a trying period as the company needed a higher output temporarily, and everyone was understandably in a bitter mood. As the intern, I assisted in the simpler procedures and thus could observe the intricate dealings between the colleagues. I noticed that two of them (I shall call them A and B) started talking less to each other, and even spoke unkindly behind each other's backs. Lucky as I was, they saw me as the neutral party and gossiped freely through me. A was jealous that B could request for lesser OT (overtime) while everyone else had to add in extra hours, while B could not stand the sight of A always leaving the office during work hours. I knew there were misunderstandings, and decided to act as the mediator.
Firstly, both of them are already mothers and I had to be very cautious in my tone and choice of words in order not to appear rude or disrespectful. I chose to speak to each of them on different days, and then decide on a suitable timing to bring both together to lay everything on the table. Secondly, they were oblivious to each other's own side of the story, and focused on what they wanted to see. I had to reveal whatever I knew to both of them, and resolve this misunderstanding. Lastly, their EQ (Emotional Quotient) was the trigger to this interpersonal conflict. Whenever they talked, the listening party would always argue or speak her side of the story before the speaking party could finish her piece. I hoped to see them communicating more amicably.
As it turned out, A had a different job scope which required her to leave office for another site, where she had to perform her duties. As for B, she was tiding through difficult domestic issues which required her immediate presence most of the time. The fact that she does not reside in Singapore made matters worse. When both of them finally opened up to each other, we all realized how foolishly simple this whole incident was. All they needed was to listen a second longer, to understand that bit more, and all these would not have happened.
This incident reminded me that while interpersonal conflicts are tricky issues, we definitely can resolve them with tact, which requires EQ. It is the bedrock of successful people skills, and with adequate practice we can emerge on top when resolving interpersonal conflicts.
As it turned out, A had a different job scope which required her to leave office for another site, where she had to perform her duties. As for B, she was tiding through difficult domestic issues which required her immediate presence most of the time. The fact that she does not reside in Singapore made matters worse. When both of them finally opened up to each other, we all realized how foolishly simple this whole incident was. All they needed was to listen a second longer, to understand that bit more, and all these would not have happened.
This incident reminded me that while interpersonal conflicts are tricky issues, we definitely can resolve them with tact, which requires EQ. It is the bedrock of successful people skills, and with adequate practice we can emerge on top when resolving interpersonal conflicts.
You're right that one of the most important sub-skills in interpersonal communication is tact. A lot of issues can be resolved if only people realised that you can actually talk about many things if you exercise sensitivity and tact.
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ReplyDeleteHi JJ,
ReplyDeleteThe post is an interesting read. This is certainly a conflict that can be commonly seen to arise at the workplace.
The crux of the conflict lies in ineffective listening on the part of the both A and B. In class, we have discussed the importance of listening effectively and even some strategies that can be used to do this. 5 key elements for active listening are described on the 'Mind Tools' website and I believe the two most essential ones that A and B can note in this case are paying attention and deferring judgement.
Paying attention to the speaker involves looking at the speaker directly and putting aside distracting thoughts. It is also essential that one does not mentally prepare a rebuttal or become distracted by environmental factors. In addition, non verbal communication and "listening" to the speaker's body language is also a part of paying attention to the speaker. If A and B paid more attention to each other in their communication, the conflict might have been avoided.
Deferring judgement can be seen as as extension to the previous point on paying attention. It involves allowing the speaker to finish each point before asking questions and avoiding interruptions with counter arguments.Deferring judgement would allow A and B to empathize with each other as they would not be influenced by preconceived notions of each other.
The importance of listening effectively when communicating is sometimes ignored or overlooked. Developing this skill would certainly make way for more effective communication and prevent unnecessary conflicts among people.